Liwonde NP & Monkey Bay - Malawi (see Oct for photo's)

It is only 50 miles from Zomba to the entrance gate at Liwonde so we reached there in good time, however Mvuu, the only lodge and place to camp in the park, is another hours drive away. The lodge is owned by Wilderness Safari's the same mob who now own Lufupa in Zambia where we had had a wonderful camp site, so we drove with high hopes.

On checking in at the lodge one of the guys took us to the campsite. As soon as we saw it our hearts sank, the site is tucked away in the bush behind the lodge and is very small with no views at all, a stark reminder of the low priority Wilderness places on self drive campers. Its probably just a matter of time before the set up at Lufupa is changed now they have taken over there.

Mind you it didn't help that a shed load of Germans plus their local support crew in four landrovers had spread themselves out into every available space. There is a sort of unwritten code amongst campers that if your in a big group you take over the largest site and leave the other sites for other people or at least not hog every site. These guys had spread out so every spot was in use by at least one tent.

We walked around with the lodge guy and pointed out that there was no where to put our tent but in true African fashion he just stared blankly hoping the problem would resolve itself. However, with the Germans just glaring at us it was clear there was little chance of that so we decided to see what accommodation was available at the lodge itself.

Unfortunately they only had vacancies for that night and as we planned to stay at least two or three then rather than be disrupted we decided there was nothing for it but to muscle our way in with the Germans.

One couple had camped on their own by the side of a big Acacia tree so we decided our best option was to camp on the other side, something we would normally never dream of doing as we always try and respect others privacy but in this case the gloves were off, this was towels on loungers time!

As we drove in under the tree we could feel their stares like daggers in our backs but we made out we were totally oblivious and started to realise this could be fun! All  their Landrovers were marked "Livingstone 4x4 Tours DE" (presumably for Deutschland), one was driven by the tour leader but unusually the other three were driven by a member of the group.

Once we had set up camp we went out for a late afternoon game drive. Liwonde is Malawi's only game park of any note but even so it is not on a par with the ones in East and Southern Africa. Small, it measures just 15 miles long by five miles wide, it is pleasant enough, especially along the Shire River where we found some very nice Sundowner spots, here at least for a while, we could get away from the sour looks from our fellow campers.

Liwonde is supposed to have some decent Elephant herds but we did not see much game at all that afternoon except for some nice sightings of Croc. However, as we were getting ready for bed we suddenly heard the crack of branches close by and a big Bull Ele came lumbering towards us out of the darkness so we had to quickly hop in the Landy.

All the Germans had long gone to bed so the campsite was quiet but because of the close proximity of the couple on the other side of the tree we had parked Rupert as far as we could up to the bush on the other side. As the Ele started to go around us he suddenly realised there was not enough room for him to get between Rupert and the bush and even worse no room for him to turn around and go back.

By now he was right alongside us so we were worried he might panic and barge into us. Ele's can easily trash a vehicle if they choose to and we sure didn't want to be in it if he did, but they are the most fantastic animals, so much power but also so very gentle (unless riled) so like a three ton Michael Jackson he just moon walked himself back out and walked around the other side through the camp and into the night, truly unforgettable.

Next morning our German neighbours started to pack up and leave. The air was full of birds flying to and fro, we could see they were BeeEaters but of a type we had not seen before. we really like seeing new species so out came the bird books.

They were Boehm's BeeEaters, described as rare in Southern Africa and uncommon in East Africa, but here we had loads. Malawi is unusual in that it is on the cusp of both regions so it is one of the very few places were you can see Southern Africa and East African species together. 

Jerry's moving off, campsite to ourselves and a new bird species to tick off, things were looking up. We went out for the day on a game drive and covered pretty much most of the park, again not a lot of game but very pretty scenery. The prettiest is undoubtedly along the river so each day we ended up enjoying a few sundowners in our favourite spot were we could be on your own watching the colours as the sun set across the river.

In the end we stayed four nights at Liwonde, the last three with the campsite to ourselves. We didn't see much game, but we didn't expect to, the best sighting being a couple of male Sable antelopes (not easy to see these days) who ran off through the forest. However, the Ele did come to visit us twice more at night and one night Sue's head torch picked up some eye's and we discovered a big spotted Eagle Owl watching us just a few yards away so whilst Liwonde's not a park we would rush back to it is worthy of at least one visit.

After Liwonde our plan was to leave the bush for a while and head northwards up the M5 following Lake Malawi towards Tanzania, stopping off wherever the fancy took us. Little did we know that this would eventually lead to a whole new episode in our lives.  

The one town of any note in the Southern part of the lake is Mangochi which we reached around midday. This was once an important slave market but we just stopped long enough to buy provisions and to fill up with fuel before continuing North. The M5 road north along the lake is a mixture of tar and dirt, so whilst distances between places are short, by African standards, the tar is heavily potholed in places so the going can be slow.

The plan for our first overnight stop was Cape Maclear which had been recommended to us as a good place to stay. Never having been in this neck of the woods before we hadn't a clue on the best places so were relying on recommendations from people we had met on the road.

One couple had mentioned a place in Cape Maclear called Fat Monkeys so our thoughts were to get there and if we didn't like it we would move on the next day, if we did then just chill for a while, freedom of choice is one of the joys of self drive overland travel.

Just 60km after leaving Mangochi we approached a place with the funky name of Monkey Bay. No one we had met had ever mentioned this place and as we felt we needed to end the day higher up the lake our intention was to just blast through.

We euphemistically call the M5 the lake road but in reality you are some way inland from the lake for most of it's length. You only get to see the lake once you reach the Northern section and then only in short bursts. The rest of the time you are going through various villages and small settlements.  However all the places to stay are on the lake shore itself so as you drive you pass numerous billboards and signs for various lodges, cottages and campsites, all extolling their virtues with names like Sun & Sand or Palm Beach.

Just as we came off the tar road for the umpteenth time we drove past a cluster of these signs at a turning towards the lake. Sue had her head down reading something and I was on auto-pilot as usual but as we flew past something caught my eye. 

The sign was small and all it said was "Norman Carr Cottages B&B" "Gentle Lakeside Accommodation".

It was the title that intrigued me, Norman Carr is famous amongst the African safari fraternity as the man who pioneered walking safaris and conservation in Zambia. We never had the privilege of meeting him, as he died some years ago, but in the 90s we stayed at some of his camps so as we continued up the road I suddenly said to Sue I wonder if that place was Norman Carr's holiday home on the lake?

Normally we would have just shrugged and carried on but on an impulse we turned back to take a look. The track to the cottage and the lake shore went on for ages so considering we still had a way to go to Cape Maclear we began to wonder if it was worth it, then we entered a small village and a small sign pointing to "Norman Carr Cottage". 

When we drove in the place seemed deserted so we walked through to the back to look at the lake and see if we could find anyone. The setting was idyllic, lush gardens all around and a deck for eating and socialising which led straight onto a deserted beach. As we were wondering whether to just head off we heard a voice and the lady of the house who introduced herself as Jenny appeared enquiring if we were looking for accommodation? 

"Yes we where but as we had intended to camp we thought the price would be over our budget. Jenny showed us a cottage anyway which was lovely but at $60 p.p.p.n full board was quite a bit more than we planned to spend. Jenny must have known this so she then said she also had a house next door which she could let us have for less.

We wandered round to have a look and found ourselves in a huge four bedroomed, two bathroom place and as we walked into the kitchen a local guy was doing some cleaning. Jenny introduced him as Nelson who she said with another guy called Kasonda would look after us if we decided to stay. "Jeez we wondered how much all this would cost" Jenny said she could let us have it for $20 per night, at first we thought that was per person but then she said no this would be for the house with the two servants!

It turned out the house is owned by an old Indian colleague of Norman Carr's who hardly ever uses it but doesn't want to sell so he leases it to Jenny and her partner Taffy and they use it as an overflow normally for parties of 4 - 8 people. We were amazed and very tempted to say yes there and then but we thought we should at least go and check out Cape Maclear and Fat Monkeys so at 2.30pm we were back on the road.

Jenny had said the road to Cape Maclear was a few km's further  up the M5, "just turn left onto the dirt road" The first road we came across on our left was dirt and was pretty big, so we thought this must be the way. However, after 30 minutes we began  to have doubts, according to the Garmin we were moving inland away from the lake. We stopped and asked a local guy on his bike. no this wasn't the way to Cape Maclear this was the road to Lilongwe!

Shit we would have to go all the way back to where we turned off the M5 which would cost us dear in time and fuel. Eventually we found the right road and drove into Cape Maclear, by it's name we expected a drive to a sweeping bay but in fact the track, as by now that was what it was, wound through some mountains and then into a biggish village, called Chembe.

Instantly we were besieged by kids and hawkers, we asked where Fat Monkeys was and one guy offered to show us but by then we could see a sign pointing through the narrow village track so we just drove on, accompanied by a load of kids and pack of village dogs who were intent on attacking the vehicle!

By now it was late afternoon and the place was crowded then as we came out of the village onto some waste ground we heard reggae music blaring out, we had reached Fat Monkeys!

We looked at each other hardly needing to say a word but now we were here we should at least drive in and take a look. The compound was big and faced onto the beach but separated by a small reed fence. The campsite was next to the fence so almost on the beach but there was virtually no shade and the beach was inundated with hawkers and kids from the village so camping was definitely out.

We asked about rooms, all where set back with no views of the lake, a very basic double with just bed and table, standard for backpacker haunts, would set us back $7.50 p.p.p.n! Needless to say we hot footed it back to Norman Carr before someone else took up the offer of the 4 bedroomed house with servants for $20!

By the time we got back it was after 5pm and Taffy was there, he and Jenny gave us such a lovely welcome, invited us to join them on the deck for G&T's where we sat in perfect peace watching the sun go down over the lake and mountains on the opposite shore, thus was our introduction to Norman Carr, we didn't know it then but this was to be an auspicious encounter. 

Next morning at 7am we make some tea and shortly afterwards Nelson appears and proceeds to set our breakfast table on the patio. Nelson makes us omelettes and toast with fruit juice and Mzuzu coffee and later Taffy came around to invite us out on his boat the Kumbali for some snorkelling.

We had originally intended to stay just a couple of nights but after sipping cold Greens (Carlsberg beer) out on the lake at 11am and then back to the deck for a delicious lunch of Chambo (the local fish)  we decide maybe we could hack this just a little bit longer!

Next morning luxury of luxuries we laid in till 8.30 then had breakfast on the patio again. As we were finishing a fisherman  appeared with some Chambo we had ordered the day before (or so we thought). The fishermen sell the fish strung together in units of usually 10 fish, a unit costs ~ MK1000 (about £3) which for two people would make two very nice meals.

Not knowing Chambo from our a*******s we relied totally on Nelson to say whether these were any good, he inspects them gives them the thumbs up and the deal is struck, Nelson departs to the kitchen to fillet them and prepare them for dinner.

An hour or so later we hear a low cough, Nelson is standing there looking very uncomfortable and announces the fisherman has arrived with our fish! Lurking in the background we now recognise is the guy we agreed to buy off yesterday!

It seems the earlier fisherman told Nelson our guy had failed to catch any fish last night so he had come in his place, a blatant lie, but when we told this to our guy he seemed to think this was business as usual and expected us to buy his unit of fish as well which would make 20 fish in total or 40 fillets!

Of course we had to send him away and told him to take it up with his mate, we suggested he give his mate his fish and get our 1000 kwacha off him, but he just laughed and said he couldn't do that, thus ended our first lesson with dealing with Malawians, lovely people who are prone to be economical with the truth!

We spent a lovely day chilling out and at 5pm joined Taffy and Jenny again on their deck for sundowners. They had no other guests in the cottages so they had decided not to have dinner, so when at 7pm Nelson came over to tell us dinner is ready on our patio we felt quite guilty leaving them but what can you do when the Chambo calls!

As it was we had far too much fish, rice and corn so we told Nelson and Kasonda to take home what was left, we found out later they had the village Chief Thomas over for dinner! 

Next day we decide to check out the wooden Landy's; on the way in we had passed some guys holding up various wooden toys and noticed a couple of nice Landrovers. Taff told us the guy to speak to was Frank who hung out at the Dukkas going into Monkey Bay. However, before then we passed some guys carving away under a tree with a battered road sign repainted with the name "Toy's R Us"!

We decided to stop to take a look see and the guys instantly rushed over with an assortment of items. There were bulldozers, road diggers, cranes, airplanes, cars, boats and of course the odd Landy. One guy  introduced himself as George, the proprietor, and immediately started the hard sell. 

Now a lot of people are put off when it comes to dealing with street vendors but perversely whether it be with Arabs in the souks of the Middle East,  Asians in the teeming markets of Delhi, Hong Kong or Macau we have always enjoyed a bit of banter and a haggle and one thing Africa is great for haggling.

George is a wise guy of the highest order, he grins and laughs at every little quip but underneath the smile you catch in his eyes that he is weighing up precisely how much he can push you for - this would be good.

We told him we wanted a model of Rupert made and his eyes lit up, a bespoke job, we could almost hear the $ signs in his head! He quickly eyed Rupert up and down, "no problem" he replied, "good but it must be exact to scale, it must be big and it must be all in the same sand coloured wood" (they like to mix and match woods so on Landy's for instance extras such as snorkels, roof racks & roof tents, Jerry cans etc are done in a sort of red wood whereas the body will be in a light coloured wood)

"Ah you want it all in the same wood"?. he sounded thrown by this sudden innovation, "yes, is this a problem" "No no problem, Akuna Matata" George says a little unconvincingly.

Now to the million dollar question "how much"  "Mmm" George rubs his chin as if we had asked him to estimate the costs for  building the Forth Road bridge. "There is a lot of detail" (true) and I'm not sure we have enough of the same wood to do it all especially if you want a big one"!

"Yes but lets assume you have the wood so give us a price", "mmm George consults his two assistants who have been standing behind him avidly listening to every word.  Eventually after a lot of mutterings and looks around Rupert George turns in triumph as if the order was already bagged "it will be about 10 or 12,000 Kwacha" (£33-40)!

I just look incredulous "George you have to be joking, I could buy 3 or 4 Landrovers for that" , actually we didn't have a clue what a bespoke one would cost but knew whatever George came back with would be way over the top.

Half an hour later during which my sandals were in and out of the deal like a fiddlers elbow I had almost got George down to  3,000 Kwacha (£10) when Sue leans across and murmurs' "I also quite like that small Landy one of the guys is holding" !

Bugger me George is on this like a Jack Russell on a rat, "you like this" he say's grabbing it out of his guys hands, I give you good deal, shit here we go again!  "How much"? "2,500 Kwacha" (£8), the ready made Landy looked like a short wheel base 90 model, no extra's just the basic Landy. It was nicely done but even so it was over priced as it was smallish but we needed to move on, I made George an offer, 4,500 Kwacha for the two (£15).

He grumbled it was too little and he would have to think about it but in the meantime did we have photo's of Rupert we could give him? We told him we would go back to Norman Carr to get some printed out and be right back. Back at NC we tell Taffy and Jenny about George and the Landy's, Taffy listens but warns that George is a bit of a wide boy and we would do better talking to Frank before committing, he seemed quite sure about this so we decided before taking the photo's to George we would seek out Frank and see what he could offer, the only problem was we would have to pass George to get to Frank!

As we neared Toy's R Us there was no sign of George, we breathed a sigh of relief that we could sneak past, then less than a mile further down the road a pick up truck approached us flashing it's lights. In the back, having cadged a lift is George, he had been up to Monkey Bay to his workshop, did we have the photo's? 

Yes but we explained before committing we wanted to just see what Frank could offer, Georges face darkened,  I must admit I felt a bit bad about this but Taffy seemed sure Frank was the guy. Before George could protest too much we shot off promising we would come and see him no matter what.

From where we met George to the Monkey Bay Dukkas must be at least three maybe four miles, as we turned into the Dukkas (small road side stalls) we were inundated with people and kids asking for money, sweets and trying to thrust various beads, batiks, bowls, giraffes, swords, walking sticks in our faces.

I called out for Frank and the assembled throng looked back in total non recognition! Where's Frank? I asked again, zilch not one person answered, the only re-action being more stuff thrust in the window 

Then a guy appears from the crowd, "do you want Frank"? At last someone who understands, "yes we do", "he's not here he's gone to Salima" (a small town about 70km away, shit), "but this is his brother", he thrust forward a youth who looked no older than 14, "are you Franks brother?", he nodded, so pointing at Rupert I asked "can you make a wooden Landrover like this one?" 

This simple question suddenly unleashes total pandemonium as it seemed like every man and his dog wanted a say in this deal! Eventually the guy who had come up with Frank's brother shouts "Yes we can make but it will cost a lot and we will need some photographs"

By now it had become plain to the assembled crowd that we were actively interested in buying so their offers redoubled, and all sorts of tat was thrust at us in an attempt to procure a sale, fights and arguments started up as each jostled for attention.

Just at this point and before we could get down to haggling  George's face suddenly appeared at my window! He must have  legged it up the road after us like a spring hare and he was sweating like a pig.

Frank's not here he shouts, I know I say but this is his brother, he turns and looks at the kid I was pointing to, "that's not his brother" he says, at this point a new older guy suddenly appears and announces that he is in fact Frank's brother, it seemed the poor kid (who looked terrified) was just a dupe till they could find him! 

Now entered a haggling process between me, Frank's brother, George, who insisted every time Frank's brother spoke on throwing in his four pence worth and all and sundry in the crowd! Of course it was impossible to get anywhere like this, as far as we could tell Frank's brother quoted 6000 Kwacha but to be honest all sorts of numbers where bandied about, through it all George kept reminding me he would do the two Landy's for4,500 kwacha - it seemed at least the threat of competition had caused him to re-assess his position.

In the end Frank not being around we gave the business to George who I have to say was a lovable rogue so we didn't mind anyway. We give George a lift back to Toy's R Us, he's now happy as a sand boy that he has won the contract!

We hand him printouts of four photo's of Rupert front, back and each side (each side is different as they have different kit attached). Next question was when did we need the Landrovers? Today was Friday, we told George we would be leaving on Monday to head further North for Senga Bay, but if he needed more time then no problem we would be back in three months and could pick them up then, main thing was not to rush the work as we wanted them to be nice.

Clearly George didn't like the idea of waiting till we came back so he assured us he would have the model Rupert ready for Monday morning at 10am but first he needed some money to buy more wood. Mmm this is always a thorny issue pay up front and trust your item will eventually appear or say no and place a bigger burden on the guys? The solution was simple we gave George 1,500 Kwacha for the ready made Landy and took that with us, he would then use that to buy some wood, which I'm sure he could get on tick anyway. 

Right all settled, nothing left now but to meet George at Toy's R Us on Monday at 10am en route to Senga where he would hand over a lovely wooden replica of Rupert and we would hand over  3000 Kwacha -  simple.